People will always try to make you feel like you're disposable. Just another piece of a plastic cup or plate that is to be thrown into the trash after using. They will always try to find ways to find a use for you and once you've provided them with that usage, they're done with you. You see, there isn't a lot of people wanting to keep you around, no matter how angelic you might be, or amazing you might be, or even bad you might be. The harsh reality remains that some people just do not have a need for you in their life. That for some people, you're just an one time thing to keep around, and then poof. One way or the other, you're just out. And when you're out, you'll just be there standing and waiting wondering what you end up doing wrong. And wrong you did. You did wrong by trusting these very people who would push you under the bus thinking that they'd be the ones who'd pull you back.
Disposability happens to everyone. Some learn from it the first couple times it happens to them, for the others, it might take a while. And some unfortunate ones, they just never fucking get it. You see I'm one of these people.
Sometimes, in life, I feel like I've got it. That I've understood this love shit. That I've finally understood what to do to avoid particular sorts of people. That I finally am so powerful that I won't allow anybody to treat me any other way than I think I should be treated-right in those moments, life happens and I'm right back into the gutter again. Is is just because I'm stupid? Nah. It's worse than that. It's because I'm full of love.
I'm so full of love that no matter how much I give, I can never be able to take it from anybody else. I'm so full of it that no matter how much a person's actions might bother me, I'm still ready to give them a chance, thinking that it's not the real them doing what they're doing. All that bullshit, you know. All leading to my disposability without me even knowing. But the catch is that even when I know it now, I'm not doing jackshit about it.
So it all boils down to my ultimate option. I just have to deal with my heart until it can't open up anymore. Until then, here's to all the mistakes I make throughout.
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