favorite planet? —
i know how it feels to love someone only when it is convenient. on our best days, i really think this is going to work. we have so much energy. we wear our hearts on our sleeves. on days like those, we melt together in a way i can’t explain. “do you ever feel like we just know what each other are thinking without saying anything?” you nod like it’s a blessing and a curse. you’re afraid of being rejected and i’m afraid of being hurt, but i know you want to kiss me so i kiss you first.
but then the bad days come, like they always do, and with them goes my confidence and with that goes yours. i tell you that all boys are the same and you agree. you can’t promise me this will be better than the times before, but you want it to be. and on the bad days, that isn’t enough for me. you don’t feel enough for me. and in a way, you aren’t. but i don’t know how to say that in a way you’ll understand so i say nothing.
you tell me, “i wish i was the light you always saw in me.” you don’t have faith in yourself and i don’t have faith in being the person you always choose over me.
so when you tell me i’m stuck with you, i say you’re going to leave. you don’t know how to comfort me. you can’t tell me you won’t meet someone better, just like you always have. i start thinking about everything every other girl has. i don’t feel good. i don’t feel pretty.
but i’m afraid to ask you to fight for me because on the days you do, i push you away. i remember the bad days and the good days don’t look as bright as they used to be. i’m dragging us down again. you’re unhappy. i don’t know how to get what i want without it hurting.
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