I feel the feeble sunlight
On my paper-thin skin
A blanket heavy and warm
Over my body and limbs
Stories of lingering dreams
On my mind, as they
Once again get lost
In my subconscious.
I run with the hours
Breathe with strangers
Feel the warm sunshine
On my open hair
I see her talk, see her smile
For one tiny moment
I forget she is not mine.
Too many people look
At my exposed neck;
Eyes on my pale skin.
A mad mad race to reach
The top of the ladder
Do I even want to go there?
Can I even go there? •
Visuals and sensations wage wars
To reach me in my sleep
I feel her in one, lying with me
In the next I see my dead sister, talking to me
In one I see a sun burning, white in this dark sky
In one I see myself sleeping
With flowers, pale and light.
Sit next to an open window and let the outside night sounds compliment the music playing through the speakers. With every mouthful, comes a new tune, and the sound of a new gust of chasing air behind every passing car.
1 1626 minutes ago
Saturday morning Mount Panorama walk, at 30 degrees!! (self punishment anyone?! 🤔). Five feathers (transitionals) and lots of sweaty goodness later, I don't seem to mind the heat as long as I'm in the zone, and that's what I needed this morning. Waterbottle in hand, hat and sunscreen ofcourse!! A lot running through my head at the moment, this seems to calm me down. That bloody saying "you are right where you're meant to be" isn't doing squat for me at the moment, I'm questioning everything and everyone around me. Is the shit Ive been handed supposedly for my own good?!! Blowed if I know anymore, but I'm hell sick of it. I'm tired of the tears. I keep procrastinating from really admitting to myself just what it is I truly want, where I want to be, or who deserves to have my time and be part of the story. .... It's too much and all too nothing at the same time! .... But I need to pull up anchor soon and really make some hard call choices. Call out the crap, cull out the energy Vampires and cut the chords. .... It hurts just thinking about it. It's really just fear. But nothing changes if you live in your bubble of fear. People won't change, situations don't change, so you have to do that yourself. I don't know that I'm ready to tackle all that yet, but you know it's on the horizon when you can't stop thinking about it. My Mountain seems to be my foremost thinking ground these days. Maybe she's giving me the strength I need to make the changes I deserve? ... Wait and see I guess?! ❤ .
When you love someone you want to love them in their dusty-ness as well as their glittery-ness.
Thanks for the prompt #scavenger@lipstickandmiracles 💚
3 7an hour ago
⚠️ MUZING ALERT ⚠️ on days when you feel a bit lost, unmotivated, insecure - a trick I do is look through my old Instagrams to see how far I’ve come (ugh, so millennial 😶). Though what we post on Insta is far from reality, you seem to remember the underlying thoughts, emotions and struggles that you were going through at the time. I certainly had my fair share of struggles, but on days when I feel a bit directionless and sad, I am able to see how I’ve bounced back and became the person I am today. Rambling, but something I’m very passionate about- including a picture I am very passionate about as well 😉🌍🌊☀️ have a wonderful weekend!
"If I told you about her, the Princess without a voice, what would I say? When I think of her, the only thing that comes to mind is a poem, whispered by someone in love, hundreds of years ago: 'Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere.'" - Giles #theShapeofWater 🌊 #GuillermoDelToro ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ | You're still here aren't you. ~ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #musings#selfportrait#pursuitofportraits#gameoftones#ig_portrait#moodygrams#bravoportraits ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
LONG POST: Self-reflection is a beautiful and wonderful thing. I feel like I’ve gained a lot of raw clarity about myself lately, especially as it relates to what I value and how I can grow. It’s not easy to take a good hard look at yourself, figure out how you’re fucking up, and make a plan to fix things but I believe it’s one of the single best things you can do. However, recognizing who you are and what you love about yourself is just as important. I love that my default mood is a mixture of optimistic + goofy with a wild streak of determination + bravado. I make myself laugh all the time and I find humor in everything. I’ll always struggle with distraction and procrastination, I’ll always make mistakes but that doesn’t negate the things I love about myself and my will to do better. .
I can say I learn a lot of lessons from the people around me - bosses, professors, strangers, former friends, coworkers, basically everyone I’ve ever met. I spend a lot of my time being a mess of laughs and tears because people literally crack me up until I’m hysterically crying but I also spend just as much time listening intently. A month or so ago, I reached a point of frustration and a friend gave me a rapid fire series of unsolicited bad advice that ended with them basically giving me permission to give up. It was easily the single most condescending and upsetting conversation I had last year and it made me realize two things: (1.) my highly dismissive friend was not actually someone who really took the time to understand my background, what I was going through or the solution I was looking for and (2.) I was not going to give up under any circumstance. .
My message is this: do NOT give up and if you’re working through something hard in your life right now, know that it’s totally okay to make mistakes. It’s ultimately one of the most humbling things you can go through. I also believe it’s never too late to make a change in your life to better yourself. Be a good friend and love people without judgement. Keep all your wild, crazy dreams close to your heart and be strong for yourself even if you don’t feel supported ✨💗 .
6 392 hours ago
Who am I? What am I? What am I becoming? Where am I going? What am I running from? • • •
So much is shifting, like a kaleidescope. Changing shape and form as I turn this way and that. It's so tumultuous, unstable, and anxiety-inducing I often find myself squeezing my head in my hands and shaking back and forth with my eyes tightly shut, as if that could make it stop. • • •
But it doesn't. I don't know what does. But I know that I am standing on the edge of something. I could keep standing here, staring out into the mist hoping to catch a glimpse of something, something to set my sights on. I could walk the knife's edge along the cliff, hoping at some point the trail will open up and I can find my way better, easier along this same journey. I could walk backwards and find a new path to follow. Or I could step off into the unknown. • • •
All of it scares me. The choice, the uncertainty, makes me want to curl up in a ball and block out all the noise. What do I want? What do I really need? Where do I want to go from here? What do I let go? How do I know the path to take, the road to follow... How do I overcome the obstacles, how do I not lose myself to Time? • • •
I feel like I am at a pivotal point in my life, where the choices I make now (or don't) will dictate much of my life to come. My family's security, our dreams, my career, my happiness, my health... All hang in the balance. .
Comparisons are always around and it seems to be the topic of conversation on a regular basis.
So often I hear parents upset or feeling down because everyone else's baby "sleeps through the night". Yet when you actually ask that parent when does your little one go down, how often do they wake up during the night...you find sleeping through the night also means 1-2 wakeups, not 10hrs straight.
Try not to compare yourself, your baby, your parenting style. If it's becoming too much, look for people who are like minded.
una imagen dice más que mil palabras. // en este particular momento, me sentía tan vacía. tan inútil. por aún quererte tanto. porque no te lo merecías. me hiciste tanto daño. y hoy en día, puedo decir que nunca sabré los motivos. pero ya no me importa. porque se que el amor no duele. ahora se que lo que sentí contigo, no fue amor. fue una lección muy valiosa. tal cuales me enseñaron la fuerza de mi corazón. y de mi mente. pienso que las cosas que parten el alma, son los momentos tan bellos que compartes con una persona, pero que se rompen. que
se destruyen por un ego tan cruel. te enamoraste de la mujer que creías conocer. no a la mujer que siempre e sido. la que nunca sabrás. y tal vez, esa será la parte mas crucial que aprendí te esta situación. tu partida me enseñó que nunca supiste mis mejores cualidades. nunca descubriste mis secretos más íntimos. nunca conociste mi ser. y mi triunfo será, que podré compartirlos con alguien quien en verdad valga la pena. — mr.
I have felt like I am doing this daily for MONTHS and not getting anywhere....just spinning my wheels. Not quite sure how to start moving forward in so many ways. DO YOU EVER just wish someone would tell you what to do and how and tell you it will be worth going through whatever it takes...or IN OTHER CASES tell you that you are doing what you should already and that it's ok ....I could go on and on....
5 184 hours ago
Popular Instagram Photos
into the evergreens
healing scents of nature
footprints in the snow
as the warmth
melts what was
will never be
always moving forward
towards the healing
and an open heart
#wednesday#musings#poetry 📸 @aspenwellbeing 🌲
3 512 days ago
Don’t focus on my hate.
For my love for you is forever.
Don’t focus on my hate.
For I live to stare at the eyes you carry.
Don’t focus on my hate.
Life isn’t fair.
Let go of the despair.
True love isn’t perfection.
True love can’t be without mistakes.
So my love, I ask and ask:
don’t focus on my hate.
Follow #hinasyeda , @abillionlittlethoughts 🌻
I wish that you finally have everything arranged the way you wanted. I wish that you no longer wait for things that aren't going to come back. I wish that every tear and each fake smile finally ends. I wish that everything that broke you never tries to return. I wish that you finally see the enormous beauty in you.
I hope that you no longer tag love as something messy. I hope that you fall in love with yourself— with each and every flaw.
I hope that you adore yourself like no one ever did.
I hope you fall in love all over again.
artwork by @andreahrnjak
Lately, I've been sharing more openly about my social anxiety, and my sharing has seemed to really help others with similar anxieties feel connected. It feels honest to admit the reason I don't attend functions or events is because I'm excruciatingly nervous about being seen, looking stupid, sounding stupid, not wearing something cool, not fitting in, people looking at me... I know that I'm intelligent, unique, funny, witty, honest, open, kind... But I'm always afraid. I mean, I am kind of weird looking with dreadlocks and tattoos.😂
Public speaking has always been a huge challenge. I get this big, angry, red rash that starts on my chest and engulfs my whole neck and cheeks. I try to wear a scarf to cover it when I'm teaching. I try to hide how visibly uncomfortable I can get in front of a group.
Teaching yoga and Reiki have helped a lot. Everytime I teach at a new place, offer a new workshop, or have a lot of eyes on me, I feel super nervous - but I love and know yoga and Reiki, and my passion to share these teachings with others is much bigger and more powerful than my fear of being seen.
It doesn't really get easier, and actually, sometimes it feels harder the older I get. However, I feel more brave everytime I put myself out there. I guess being vulnerable, uncomfortable, and nervous are starting to feel less crippling. Or I'm getting stronger.