I’m bored it’s 2:03 in the morning and I’m just sitting here wanting to understand what I want from the future but struggling along the way but I’ve never given up hope even in my darkest hours. I feel eventually something will come along that’ll spark something in me that will figure out who I wanna be. But with that come the fear of not knowing how long it will take for it to come by. But I’m actively searching for it and I’m gonna find it no matter how long it’ll take. Lol thanks for letting me rant I’ve just been thinking about it for awhile 😂 #bored#searching
This is my fast spoken version of Seeker, a poem that I wrote last year. Originally I was going to post a recent poem on grief but it's too long and personal right now and I have been holding onto it for a couple of weeks. Being vulnerable is the only way to show what's really inside of our hearts but it can be hard as hell sometimes. Oh and seeing/hearing myself in video is making me feel all kinds of awkward 😶😒 #poem#poetry#spokenword#seeker#fantasyscribbles
Day 18: Always searching…
From the age of 5 until about 26 my life was mapped out for me. At age 5 I started kindergarten, each year I graduated to the next level, all the way to high school graduation at the age of 18. Then I went to college - and because I had some medical issues my first year, I moved around a few times and ended up spending 5 years on my undergrad. I went to a few job fairs and I had a few offers to choose from. I accepted the job that had the nicest offices, spent money on technology and seemed to have a lot of fun. I stayed there for 13.5 years.
I was in a 2-year analyst program at work and in the end was hired into a division. I spent about a year as an associate and was promoted to officer. That was when my life’s map stopped. I was used to “do this then this will happen”. Okay, now what? Most of my friends were doing the next step - getting married, getting a dog and having babies. But I wasn’t following that path.
That’s when my searching began. What do I do next? Okay - I’ll move to Chicago - being in a bigger city will give me more opportunities and more friends. After 3 years I realized that wasn’t for me so I moved back to Michigan and started my MBA program. I had a blast and learned so much about myself. When the program ended, I was left with a big hole in my life - now what? Again, friends were getting married, having kids, getting new jobs. So I focused on volunteering and making others happy. But was that making me happy? I don’t really know. Because then I met Thomas and moved to Germany. I’m still searching and finding my meaning and my life’s purpose. But what I realized yesterday is that this searching has been my drama. It’s been the thing that has stopped me from having great happiness. It creates the chatter in my mind that doesn’t allow me to be happy with where I am, who I am and what I have.
Today, I am a student. I’m working on me, I’m learning - but I’m taking a break from all this searching. I’m going to let life happen, no drama. 🧘🏻♀️
#Girlevik şelalesi - Girlevik Waterfall # "Düşman elinde kılıcıyla karşında duran değildir. Arkasına hançeri saplayıp yanında durandır" //Paulo Coelho//
#memories # life #searching # çeşit çeşit insanlar # anı # information # hayat
: "You're everything that I dream about, talk about/Walk around and brag about, cause I don't give a damn about/What they say, what he say, or she say/I'm addicted like drugs to your loving, but hey/You got me strung like I'm young and it's crazy." #CLSmooth#PeteRock#Searching#90s#hiphop #1994